Trooper Chat #9: The Apette Chronicles
by Lady Electra
Summary: The second in the Apette Chronicles/ Holiday Quartet. This time it's Thanks Giving...read to see what goes on =)


Fade in  
  
(Smoke is seen wafting from the break room, Bob runs out of the room shortly followed by several pots, pans, and other kitchen items)  
  
Laurie (runs into hall with her katana): Stay out of my kitchen (goes back into break room)!  
  
(Cut to Bob surrounded by the rest of the gang)  
  
Dan: Well what were you able to see?  
  
Bob (going through shock): My life flashing before my eyes.  
  
Kelly: Oh c'mon, you had to have seen something besides that. What is she cooking for Thanksgiving?   
  
Nurse Logan: Yeah I need to know a head of time so I can reserve the stomach pump.   
  
Jason (jumping up and down): Is she making pecan pie? Is she making pecan pie? Is she making pecan pie?  
  
Rachel (whacks Jason upside the head): Stop with the broken record routine. Besides, she's making this as a peace offering for tonight's guest.  
  
Kim: Oh, and who's that?  
  
Dan: The one who tried to sue us because of that line we paid Jenkins off to say in the first show.  
  
Kelly/Rachel: I thought you said she'd be coming on our day off!?  
  
Elizabeth: I lied.  
  
(Kelly and Rachel try to get out of the set, but they find out all the doors and windows are locked)  
  
Rachel (tugging at locked door): Isn't this against the fire code or something?  
  
Kelly (banging on door): Let us out! Please someone let us out! Our very lives are at stake!"  
  
Kim (watching them carry on): Should we stop them before they hurt themselves?   
  
Nurse Logan (gets sadistic glint in her eyes): Oh I've got an idea or two.  
  
(She starts creeping towards the two scared Trooper Chattes; they see her and like two scared animals start running, Nurse Logan starts chasing after them)  
  
Dan (shakes his head): We better get ready for the show.  
  
Fade out  
Fade in  
  
(As the lights come up we see that the set has been decked out for Thanksgiving. Orange, brown, and yellow streamers are strung from the ceiling. Pumpkins and cornucopias are on Dan's desk and the floor)  
  
Dan: Hello, and welcome to the 9th addition of Trooper Chat. I'm your host Dan Wilson.  
  
(Close up on Dan)  
  
Elizabeth: And I'm Elizabeth Clark, and I'll be your co-host for tonight's little jaunt though the little world of insanity that is Trooper Chat.  
  
Dan: Well if you can't tell this is our Thanksgiving ep (points to cornucopia that's on his desk). Little Attonbitus had decided to make his bed out of this thing (pets Attonbitus' head and gets a slight electrical shock) Ouch! (grumbles) Stupid rodent.  
  
Elizabeth: Hey Dan, how about we bring out tonight's guest?  
  
Dan (rubbing sore hand): Why don't we? Tonight's guest is none other then ImChiquita!  
  
(ImC walks out onto the stage, waves at the camera and sits next to Elizabeth on the couch)  
  
Elizabeth: Welcome to Trooper Chat ImChiquita.  
  
ImC: It's great to be here.  
  
(Kelly and Rachel run across the set with Nurse Logan not far behind)  
  
Kelly: Someone please help us!  
  
Rachel: We're too young to be tranqed.  
  
Nurse Logan: You won't be out for long my friends. Hey Fairy boy, do something for once and help me catch them!  
  
Jason (runs onto stage): Okay (joins Nurse Logan with chasing Kelly and Rachel)!  
  
ImC: Ah, what was that about?  
  
Dan: Nothing that's too unusual for this show. ImC if it's okay with you we're gonna start with the questions for the show.  
  
ImC: Sure, go right ahead.  
  
Elizabeth: So, what group are you from?  
  
ImC: I'm proud to be a member of the Apettes.  
  
Dan: Do you people have anything better to do then come on our show?  
  
Elizabeth: Dan...don't go there.  
  
Dan: Fine! So who would you say is your favorite Roughneck?  
  
ImC: Well that's a no brainer, it's Gossard.  
  
Elizabeth: What can you see in that guy...  
  
Dan: Elizabeth...now that's someplace you don't wanna go.  
  
Bob (walks up onto stage): Okay, since Fairy Boy is out chasing Rachel and Elizabeth I've got to do this (pulls out 3 rolls of pastel tissue paper). Which color do you like the best. Periwinkle pink, daffodil yellow, or posy blue?  
  
ImC: *thinking* Well there all nice if you ask me.  
  
Bob: Okay...I'll see if I can use all three.  
  
Dan: Hey Bob, you know if Laurie's done with dinner yet?  
  
Bob: Who knows (walks off stage).  
  
Elizabeth: Okay now lets get back to the show, not Trooper Chat but Roughnecks: Starship Troopers.  
  
ImC: The first thing that caught me was the awesome animation, then there's the depth of the characters...  
  
(There's a load *BOOM* from off stage Kim wanders onto the set staggering from side to side and covered in plaster)  
  
ImC: Oh my, what happened to you?  
  
Kim: I got to close to the break room, I think it's safe to say the turkey's done (collapses).  
  
(Nurse Logan walks up onto the stage, picks up Kim by her shoes, and starts to drag her off the stage).  
  
Dan: Logan what are you doing? I thought you were trying to tranq Kelly and Rachel.  
  
Nurse Logan: I was trying, but they crawled up into the ventilation system. Jason's after them now (drags her off the stage).  
  
Dan: Well that's great. Well let's get on with the show. Now where were we?  
  
Elizabeth: ImC was just telling us about what got her into R:STC in the first place.  
  
Dan: Well that's gonna have to wait till the second half, right now we've got the skit to do.  
  
Fade out  
Fade in  
  
(ImC, Dan, Elizabeth, Kim, and Nurse Logan are seated around a table)  
  
ImC: What's this about?  
  
Dan: This is just to say we're sorry for that little mix up that happened way back in the first episode.  
  
ImC: You guys are doing that for me?  
  
Elizabeth: Yeah, no hard feelings?  
  
(Before ImC can answer Laurie comes out carrying an at least 35 pound turkey. Bob follows shortly behind with the worlds biggest gift bag filled with the three different kinds of tissue paper)  
  
ImC: I wonder what could be in the bag?  
  
Bob: Why don't you find out (looks at the rest of the gang). I'm gonna take a nap (walks off stage)  
  
(ImC leaps over the table and right onto the bag. She rips out all the paper and then the sides of the gift bag to reveal Gossard dressed in a tux)  
  
ImC (hugs Gossard who's just starting to come to): I'm so glad to see you.  
  
Gossard (shakes his head a few times): Huh...What...  
  
Nurse Logan: Why don't you sit down before you bust a brain cell.  
  
(ImC brings him over to the table; Gossard is still a bit clueless about what's going on. Just as they sit down the air vent above them gives way and Jason, Max, Rachel, and Kelly fall onto the table. Three fall onto the turkey, while Kelly falls on top of Gossard knocking him out cold)  
  
Laurie: MY TURKEY!!!  
  
ImC: GOSSARD!!!!  
  
Both at the same time: You four are gonna pay for this!  
  
Max: This is the last time I let you try to help me get out of this nut house Fairy Boy!  
  
Jason: How was I supposed to know that it would give way?  
  
(The two women take out their respected weapon of choice and start to chase the offending four out of the stage)  
  
Fade out  
Fade in  
  
(Dan, Elizabeth, and ImC are in their place. ImC looks like she's sitting on pins and needles as Nurse Logan checks out Gossard)  
  
Elizabeth: Welcome back one and all to Trooper Chat. If you're just joining us for tonight's episode our guest is none other than ImChiquita. Well if it's okay with you ImC, we're gonna start the show back up.  
  
ImC: Yeah whatever (looks at Nurse Logan). Is he gonna be all right?  
  
Nurse Logan: Yeah, I think so. He's got a thick skull, and I'm not joking just look at this X-ray of his head (shows ImC X-ray). It's literally 10% thicker then the average persons.  
  
ImC (hugging him): Well he's not exactly the average guy now is he?  
  
Nurse Logan: Yeah...right (walks off just at Gossard is starting to come to).  
  
Gossard: What am I doing here (looks at ImC and the gang)? Who are you? Who am I?  
  
ImC: Oh no, you poor baby, you lost your memory. Let me take you home with me and I'll help you get it back.  
  
Gossard: Are you my wife or something?  
  
ImC: Yes! Now c'Mon dear. It's time to go home (grabs Gossard and leads him off the set)  
  
Dan: I should've listened to mom and become a dentist, well goodnight folks and happy Thanksgiving to you all because we all have something to be thankful for.  
  
Fade out  
  



End file.
